This morning I tossed and turned until 8 and then got up, took a shower, and walked down to the Market. I walked to the duomo, sat down for a while, tried to let the fact that I'm actually leaving sink in, lit a candle, and walked out. It's about to storm and has been drizzling for the last 12 hours so there weren't many vendors out, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was listen to the Italian, take in the smells of rain on wet cobblestone, new leather, and damp morning air. I walked up the smaller main street to a corner cafe at the piazza. I ordered una caffe. When I sat down there was an Italian newspaper on the table so I opened it up. I couldn't read anything more than a few verbs, nouns and prepositions, but again, I didn't care-I just want it all to sink in one last time. When I got to the register to pay I handed the barista a two euros coin for a one dollar espresso. She nodded to the one euro pastries and said "Vuoi una brioche?" In response, I forced my mouth into a deep frown, furrowed by brow, and said "Non" just like an Italian. I should have bought the brioche. I left the cafe kicking myself in the butt, not for not buying the croissant, but for really sinking into Italian culture. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did. My biggest goal when I came over here was to understand them. Italy to most Americans, and America to most Italians I've met, seems like a destination. When someone thinks of Italy they say "Pizza, pasta, panini, wine, Pisa, Roma" ect. When people think of America they say "Hamburgers, football, baseball, New York, obesity, Hollywood" and so on. What I failed to realize, I think like most people, is that Italy isn't just a vacation spot-people have lives here, they have jobs, families, homes. They live by tradition and form communities. I've been lucky enough to enter that community for a little while. I've stumbled my way through, I've been stared at and I've been laughed at, but I've also begun to understand life else where than my safe little bubble back home. I've begun to understand because I've tried hard to make a home here. I fell into loose routines, met local people, I listened and watched. I didn't say no either. (Well, except to the horse, I did say no to eating horse). I can walk through town now and recognize people and say "Ciao!", but an even bigger step is that I can walk through town and not get lost! I think I've bunny trailed a little from the point I was trying to make, so the point is: I'm glad I embraced life here, but that's only making it harder to say goodbye.
I hadn't planned on writing this. I had planned on posting a video of Brad Pitt saying "Arrivederci" from the movie Inglorious Bastards, but it struck me as I was walking through town that I needed to write this down. I need to articulate everything I'm feeling right now instead of telling my thoughts to take another lap so I can handle them later. I needed to clear the air.
Tonight we're going to dinner in Sirmione and then at 3am I'll be up to leave for the airport in Verona, so no sleep again tonight. I'd like to say I'll sleep on the plane, but since I'm traveling alone I know that's unlikely.
Wish me luck! With the 20+ hours of travel time ahead of me I think I'll need it :)
Ciao! See you tomorrow